self

dear new york

Mindrelic - Manhattan in motion from Mindrelic on Vimeo.

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Dear New York, 

Things are good over here. I'm very well. But do you know that I really miss you? I wasn't ready to let you go when I left. I can say that now. And it's ok. Watching this killed me just a little inside. Yeah, there were tears in my eyes. That's all. 

I'll see you soon. Four more sleeps. 

Love always,
Catherine 

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a clean slate

I can hardly believe that after the massive upheaval my life has undergone this past year, I have finally moved into my own Toronto digs. In more ways than one, this is my clean slate. It's the official start in my new city. What proved to be a stressful process resulted in a place that's precisely what I wanted (and more). It's all thanks to a fantastic real estate agent and serendipity. Not only is this condo/building brand new, it comes with great amenities, it's very close to work and it has the all-important ensuite washer/dryer. The space also has nice finishes. I love how sunny and airy the space is despite it's relatively modest size (under 600 sq. ft + 100 sq. ft of balcony). I now understand the draw of living up high. The big balcony is perfect for admiring the VIEW. And to my New York friends, it's for A LOT less rent than anything comparable in New York City or Brooklyn. Which is amazing. 

This blank canvas is already my newest design project. I cannot wait to decorate it. As you can see, I don't really have any furniture yet! Now that I've decided to start from scratch, the possibilities are endless. All I know right now is that I will keep things very simple and very comfortable. Stylistically, warm modernism is what I am most drawn to. The older I get, the more important quality and craftsmanship become, too. The challenge will always be finding a balance between quality and price. The task of careful furniture selection is probably what I'm looking forward to the most. It's so exciting! So there will undoubtedly be upcoming (fun) blog posts on home design :) 


The west facing balcony presents a view of the lake (to the left)...

...and neighbourhood views (and the sunset!) to the right

lexie's seventh

It's Lexie's 7th birthday today! She and I have been through A LOT together, she has been my trusty (and occasionally naughty) sidekick. I adore her beyond words. And who wouldn't? Look at that delicious face? I accidentally forgot her birthday last year. I missed it by a couple of weeks. It was during a very stressful time before my big move out of New York. I think I might buy her a hotdog this year and just let her devour it. That ought to make up for my birthday neglect last year!

We had a scare this weekend and thought she might be really hurt. So I'm thrilled that the her vet felt that she is fine (likely a sprain of some sort). I just need to keep my eye on her. It was a huge relief. 

This outtake from Lexie's photoshoot by my photographer friend Young Jung makes me laugh. She caught Lexie in the precise moment. 

Happy Birthday to the SWEETEST little dog in the whole world.

 

meet belinda, my new bicycle

The last time I had a bicycle to call my own, I was about 14 in southern California. I was in 7th grade. The kids at school made fun of me and my bike. They would sing the Pee Wee Herman theme song whenever I rode by. NO ONE rode a bike to school in my part of the world then. It wasn't considered cool then. But I really couldn't care less what other kids thought. I liked my bicycle. It was new, cream coloured and had a basket in the back. Fairly non-descript. I rode that thing to school until I started catching rides on the back of a friend's Vespa a year later. 

After I got a taste of cycling earlier this month, I knew I had to get one. I had planned to start off with a used bike but got a GREAT deal on this new one. It had very minor scratches. I knew I had to strike a balance between aesthetically appealing, modestly priced, easy/comfortable to ride. Theft is apparently rampant these days, so I invested in a good lock, too. This was perfect. As soon as I saw it, the afternoon of shopping was over. I had to have it. Of couse, my favourite part is the leather seat and handle bar covers (if there's a proper term for this, I don't know it). 

Eventually, I'd like to get a beautiful wicker basket similar to the one below by Nantucket Bike Basket Co. instead of the mesh one. The bike shop employee mentioned that the wicker baskets actually last much longer than the powder-coated metal ones. Who knew? They even have baskets designed for pets. Too adorable. 

I rode my new bike into work today and I love it even more. It was a summer defining move to purchase this gem. I'm calling my bike Belinda. For some reason, I heard Belinda Carlisle's singing one of the Go-Go's songs when I saw the bike. I have absolutely no idea why! So the name has stuck.

p.s. I don't plan to join any Toronto hipster cycling cults worthy of an episode of Portlandia. I'm still essentially that nerdy 14 year old just enjoying the ride and the sunshine. 

Cheers to summer!

 

the museum of me

I just caught wind of this Intel Museum of Me application/campaign this afternoon. I must say I'm thoroughly impressed. It takes your Facebook data to create a virtual museum exhibition about your life. The application walks through the museum when it's done gathering your information. It's amazing. It's spreading like wildfire on Facebook. This is a product of social media. It feeds our collective self obsessions that have been brought on by social media: the ME monster. It also feels like a post humous memorial and is, oddly, moving as a result. It's brilliant! 


my dad, birthday boy

This is a hand-tinted black and white photo of my father that I recently restored. I'm guessing he was in second grade here – his First Communion portrait. He looks so adorable here with that sweet face and that bow tie. And check out the very ominous looking shadow of a crucifix behind him. I like the unlit candle, too. Oh, Catholicism. I took liberties with toning down some of the colour – too generously and inappropriately applied in certain areas. I think my dad was pleased with the result.

Happy Birthday, Papa :)  
June 2nd

saturday, march 18, 1981

This was my first ever diary entry – in the first diary I ever owned. It was began while we still lived in the Philippines. I won't reveal my age by admitting how old I was when I wrote this (in pencil, no less). But suffice it to say, I was young. I hated writing with a pen back then because I couldn't erase anything whenever I made mistakes.

During my recent trip to Brooklyn, it was unearthed from deep in storage. I have not cracked open the pages of this in YEARS. It made me laugh to see what I wrote back then and remember things I had long forgotten about. It's quite humbling and moving, too. I am so glad I saved this. I had to document and share.

Below is an exact transcription of the entry – including all misspellings and run-on sentences: 

1981
March 18, Saturday

Dear Diary, 

Today was my sister's graduation, I had a nice time; Then we went home and we got ready to go for binangonan. And I swam there, Before we went we rode on the banka (a small boat with outriggers) and all of us went to the house in the water. And we went home I watered the plants and we went to mass I resieved Communion. 


Above is the second entry written the day after my birthday – the same year. Below is the exact transcription:

1981
April 18, Saturday

It was my birthday and we went to Taal lake and we swam there we had a long trip and we brough baby Christine the water was blue, we saw some fisher men catch some fish, and mama and my lola (grandmother) went near the net and they saw a snake in the water one man threw the snake far away. and we ate, and went home after that.  


new york from where i stood

For the first time in history, I visited New York and felt...nostalgic. Even though it felt like I was only there two weeks ago, I realized as I stepped outside and then into the subway that New York had since become part of my past. It was a different feeling from my last (stressful) business trip there in December of 2010. Despite feeling very 'at-home' there, I was filled with emotion as the train made it's way into the city from Brooklyn. I was back on the same train line I used to take to work each day. I was suddenly able to articulate what I was feeling because it was as clear as day and so intense:

New York (to me) had become like that ex-boyfriend who completely broke my heart once. New York is the man I'm still in love with and still want – but I know exactly why it didn't work out between us back then. I couldn't get over the feeling – it was the best way I could descibe it. I choked back tears as I made my way into the West Village. Apparently, I'm not the first person to ever feel this way about New York. I guess I shouldn't be so surprised.

My hectic but amazing week there was filled with quality time with friends, a great wedding party, great food and fantastic art, fashion and film. It also revealed a lot. For one, some (not all) of my friends who still live there tend to forget how to appreciate the city. It's easy to be caught up in the stresses of life, I suppose. New York can be unkind after all. I realized how unhappy I was before I left. The reasons behind this had little to do with the city itself but more to do with my circumstances at the time. I realized that I never forgot how to love it even when I lived there – and that NO ONE can ever belittle how difficult it was for me to leave. Second, I appreciated even more the friendships I had built during my nearly 12 years there. I was reminded that forging new friendships in a new city will take time. I also realized I had actually become a much stronger person in the midst of the huge challenges I faced in the past year. It was good to get some perspective and to be reminded that New York will always be there. The future still lies ahead and there's no telling where it will take me. 

 

permanence/impermanence

I can't even begin to count the number of times I get asked the "Are you going to live here permanently?" question. It's been happening a lot lately. I was asked constantly by visiting friends in New York during the nearly 12 years that I was living there. To some, the idea of permenently living in New York was inconceivable. My answer was and still remains: "I have no idea." I never actually PLAN how long I will be somewhere. I've lived in seven cities and four countries in my lifetime (if you count my leisurely month long stay in Paris in 2005). My theory is that people don't feel at ease unless you give them an absolute. People can't grasp the idea of impermanence. I even had a recent email conversation with a friend about this very same topic. He sees it as people not being able to accept that your plans (or the absence thereof) are not the same as theirs. Is the idea of not knowing how long I plan to stay in any particular city somehow threatening? People can be very myopic. We are also repelled by and need the idea of permanence at the same time.

I'm a romantic like most people. For women, the idea of "settling down" is pretty much shoved down your throat, expected. Tradition dictates that you're not a 'real' woman until you've found a man. Well, guess what? It's 2011. I'm not prepared to "settle" because I'm expected to. I've never made it my job. I'm too romantic for that. Besides, I just moved away from New York, a city that is all about impermanence – even when it comes to dating/relationships. It's always been about growing careers and being onto 'the next big/hot thing' – same goes for the way people approach dating there. New York dating suffered from attention deficit disorder. Frankly, it was an unbelievably disheartening experience. 

Look, I am an idealist. I DO want to fall truly and madly in love. I might even stay put if that were to happen. But I'm also a realist. I know relationships are hard work. I've witnessed enough dysfunctional relationships to avoid getting into one myself. I would never end up with someone who did not have strength, character and dynamism. I want to find someone who will make me actually WANT to stay. So until I find the love of my life, I can live wherever I damn well please and for however long I choose! I might even move away with someone should we choose to – for an indefinite period of time. People can continue to feel uneasy and even threatened by it. They can continue to ask me, my answer will remain the same. 

Moving and change, in general, is hard. It always has been. My dad would say to me as a kid, upset that we have to move again: "Nothing is permanent." I would get so incredibly upset when he'd say this to me. I never fully understood it until I got older. It never gets easier to move, but I've done it many times. You inevitably become "the new kid" whenever you move – which can be painful and scary. You don't always have kind, compassionate people around you to give you space and time to readjust. But there are always important discoveries to make when a major life shift happens. I realize now that my dad was only trying to teach me to not become too attached to anything in life. And to accept that change is what's permanent

My recent move from New York to Toronto has changed many things. I will probably always miss it there for countless reasons. I've had to let go of important people, attachments and ideas. Full disclosure, I would not write off the idea of moving back. But ever since I've moved, I've noticed an incredible shift in my creativity (for the better). It's an exhilarating time for me both creatively and professionally – in ways I had no way of foreseeing. As much as I loved living there, I realize now just how much I stagnated during my last couple of years in New York – personally, professionally and creatively. It was begging for a shake-up. Despite it still being a struggle, my recent move is starting to feel like a great beginning to my next chapter in life. I look forward to seeing what's next. 

 

myturtleneck air

I knew my recent move to Toronto would involve re-establishing a new network. Not a small feat (and one that I know will take some time). As I continue to work on projects for New York clients, I knew I had to come up with a way to also introduce myself to the best of the best of the Toronto design community. It had to be a self-promotion package that commanded a little more attention than just another email. It was important that it to express not only my abilities but also my sense of humour. The photos below are the result. I had SO MUCH FUN creating this. Amazingly, I was also able to find a digital printer (in the U.S.) that also had the capability to do die-cuts (and perforations!) in smaller quantities. A big thank you to everyone that helped me through this process. 

Do you like?



on being photographed : george pitts, an artist at work

Last week I had the privilege of being the subject of one of the masters of American photography. George Pitts is not only a highly regarded figure in fine art and editorial photography, but also in the world of academia. Few artists have been able to achieve this level of success in all these realms. He started out as a painter and is also a writer. He has been Director of Photography for such publications such as: LIFE magazine and VIBE/SPIN. He is a fine art photographer for the New York Times, Taschen Books, etc. For the past three years, he has been Director of Photographic Practices at Parsons The New School here in New York. Currently, he is also consulting Director of Photography for Latina magazine. He is working on an art book for Taschen featuring provocative photographs of women 35 and older. He was interested in photographing me with the possibility of the photos being published in the book. Needless to say, I was thrilled at the chance to work with him.

I knew after our first meeting that I wanted to be photographed by George Pitts. We had such an interesting discussion about photography and sensuality. I felt that I was dealing with a very thoughtful, humble, intelligent creative and a true artist. I was comfortable around him which was really key for me. He also challenged me and was genuinely interested in my ideas, my biases and my general point of view as a female art director/designer who is conscious and critical of media's image of women. When I asked about the inspiration behind photographing women over 35, he told me that it started out as a personal project, born out of a genuine love for women. He found older women were not only more interesting, but also largely invisible in the media landscape. Unlike the French, there is clearly a glorification of youth in American culture (as with many others). Taschen was so interested in this work that they proposed the idea of a book. Partly because no one else has taken on the subject matter. The fact that he has photographed women from all walks of life (doctors, artists, mothers, writers, etc) for this book project made it even more interesting to me. I saw it as an homage to women and a once in a lifetime opportunity. 

I consider myself a feminist, one that believes in celebrating female sexuality. I think women are entitled to it and should feel confident in owning its power. I knew going into it that it would involve being photographed in the nude. It was something I was, perhaps, intellectually ready for, though it look me a while to fully feel emotionally ready. I took time to really consider my own limitations. But I felt confident that I would be in the hands of someone who had a critical eye and took this art very seriously. 

Last Friday was our scheduled shoot date. I came to a studio in Dumbo, Brooklyn – nervous and excited. I was looking forward to the experience and to continue the conversation with him. I had done a lot of thinking since our meeting and was as prepared as I could be. George Pitts used a Mamiya C330 medium format (2 1/4") film camera and used a combination of natural and circular strobe light called a "beauty dish" (I had never seen one before). He also had an old school Polaroid film camera to show me and test the lighting. He meticulously measured light before every shot. The conversation about the photos was a constant throughout the day. He took into consideration my ideas and my thoughts on style which I shared with him at an earlier date via email. He was a consummate professional. He was generous about sharing knowledge about fine art, teaching and publishing. He took notice of my awareness and attention to detail. He talked me through everything he was about to do — always conscious of my comfort level and personal preferences. Admittedly, my only hesitations were limited to personal insecurities about body image – which I knew were normal. During the shoot, we listened to everything from the soundtrack to my favourite film, In The Mood For Love by Wong Kar Wai to Grace Jones and Serge Gainsbourg. As a side note, he told me that the film In The Mood.. is also one of his favourite films and is required viewing for the class he teaches to both graduate and undergraduate fine art students, Picturing Sexuality. We discussed everything from film to art, culture, music, Michael Jackson, dance, ideas about eroticism (and the semantics around it), fashion, you name it. There was a healthy dose of laughter thrown in as well. Conversation was constant. Only interrupted during moments when he was actually taking photographs. I knew I wanted to look elegant. My design background, of course, informed my point of view and taste. He told me that he actually prefers photographing real women as opposed to professional models. 

There were things that I only realized about myself through the process of being photographed. There are things I'm only now able to articulate. My mind was—and still is—spinning from the experience. On some level, it was an out of body experience. Quite surreal. I will write more about it later when I share some of the photos from the shoot. There were many things that were unexpected that came out of working together that were interesting. The experience overall was an empowering one, personally. I am grateful for the opportunity. When we discussed the difference between the term "erotic photography" versus "pornography" he shared this: a model once told him that "erotic photography allows you to dream, whereas pornography erases the need to do so." It was a statement that stuck with him. In a recent interview I read, he mentions that he doesn't "believe the eroticized body only lies in the domain of porn... A central concern of mine is how to render contemporary sexuality creatively, with beauty, wit, depth, intensity and compassion; introducing newer paradigms in the process." This really struck me as well. It is a great learning experience to me to work with someone that is able to have critical dialogue about his work. 

Below is a selection of George Pitt's fine art and editorial photography.

 

learning legacies

 

Throughout my childhood, I was told various stories about my ancestors by my Lola (Tagalog for grandmother), my mom and other family members. I remember bits and pieces about this legacy I had from the generations that preceded me – specifically my maternal grandmother's side. Having moved to N. America has taken me further away from this history. A recent invite to a clan group on Facebook by an uncle of mine sparked renewed interest. I was fascinated by the photos and stories from my mom and my sister (who looked into this deeper while on a trip to the Philippines last year). And to give you an idea of the size of this clan in actuality (not on FB), the reunion that is held every four years is attended by about 400-500 people.
My great great grandmother, Maria 'Angoy' Limjap (pictured below in a corset) was married to a prominent business tycoon, Mariano Limjap. This makes her my grandmother's grandmother. Apparently she was a very strict, regal woman and socialite who became a well-known philantropist. Mariano, is a descendant of a prominent Chinese immigrant who married a Spanish (mestiza) or someone of mixed heritage in Manila named Lim Cong Jap. Like some Chinese immigrants of the time, they combined Chinese names with Spanish names. Hence the new last name Limjap (pronounced Lim-hap – which is the Spanish pronounciation of the letter 'j').
I also heard that apart from being a very successful industrialist, Mariano Limjap was apparently a patron of the Philippine Revolution that would eventually free the Philippines of 400 years of Spanish colonial rule. In 1896, he was apparently arrested and imprisoned for his revolutionary efforts. He was eventually released when Spain surrendered to the Americans. There's a photo below of the couple's busts (in marble?) at the Metropolitan Museum of Manila.
My great grandmother Leonarda 'Nena' Limjap at one point also turned down a beauty queen crown in favor of traveling abroad. She would eventually marry Dr. Ariston Ubaldo who was the nephew of Dr. Jose Rizal (son of Jose Rizal's sister, Olympia), the renowned national hero of the Philippines (also played a major role during the Philippine Revolution). Meaning my great grandfather was a descendant of the country's most honored hero and was inspired by him to also pursue EENT (eye, ear, nose and throat) medicine. AMAZING.
Needless to say, learning (and being reminded of) all this was quite incredible. The research continues. I love finding out about my amazing family history. More than accomplished industrialists, they were also philanthropists and revolutionaries! It's completely awe-inspiring and humbling.
My captions below provide more information.
Maria 'Angoy' Limjap in a corseted (Victorian?) dress
Mariano and Maria Limjap in traditional Philippine dress
Maria 'Angoy' Limjap as a teenager
Mariano and Maria Limjap
The (marble?) busts Mariano and Maria Limjap at the Metropolitan Museum of Manila in 2006 photo by Ria Limjap


Maria 'Angoy' Limjap (center) with three of her daughters: my great grandmother Leonarda 'Nena' Limjap is the one on the far left
One of many lavish parties thrown by my great great grandparents. Apparently, the grandchildren (like my grandmother) would be sequestered upstairs under the supervision of nannies during these soirees.
A postcard (?) of the Limjap ancestral home in Manila

 

 

This is a photo of my great great aunt Esperanza Limjap and her husband, Sergio Osmeña who was the second President of the Philippine Commonwealth in 1944 and was one of the founding members of the Nacionalista Party. Pretty amazing!
All photos (unless otherwise noted) from La Familia Limjap

 

mama

My mom. She taught me how to care, to nurture, to give and to love. She also taught me to love food. She's all the way on the other side of the world. And I miss her. 

Happy Mother's Day, Ma.

photo by my sister, Caroline